a poem I found in the deep pits of my google drive

in the large central park of lush green
chunks of polystyrene
I see a museum widely hailed
yet the main exhibit is dead animal tales
i sigh and turn for a mcdonalds
but all I can see is the mcflurry-
a famous hedgehog stuck in a cap of my favorite concoction
the exhibit card writes:
“hedgehogs die from starvation or blindly walk into water
and drown”
so they’re right
curiosity did kill the cat.

When the tissue blew across the room
I found speckles of black dust—
gritty, crusty, musty dust—
shaking the tissue everything fell out
a cupcake-scented pencil lost two years ago
my post-it kits of bits
all lit up on the floor—
speckles of black gray orbs—

I ask to turn on the heat because i’m always cold.
A shivering, teeth-chattering cold.
But my mom just laughs and says
“what? it’s so warm!
look at all the bees swarm.
you’re in los angeles, not some east coast mess”
Toto, we’re not in texas anymore
but my cold feet tell me otherwise.

In the ‘demic I can hardly stomach
The spikes and stones in my food
I crunch and they taste like dust.
Dust is everywhere–
In my lungs, heart, face, nose–
I can only scream silently as dust fills my mouth.
Sometimes it is not mites that make us
But the discomfort we feel within.
A bubblingmubblingdtumbling feeling rolls in my stomach
and I can hardly stomach my anxiety
swallow my panic
What!? Hide my tears?
I know not how.

A dread builds
Like that dread you felt when you hear stomping on the stairs
A dread from when the sun will fall and it will be dark
I sometimes dread the pillow or couch for fear I’ll fall asleep
and miss happenstances.
We dredge up emotions and bury the dread
and force our molars to all the world to see
and trees bend down to our smile.